Love is the Glue
Unraveling the Layers of Love to Understand its Impact on our Kids
As bell hooks wisely remarked, "Love is as important as work, as crucial to our survival as a nation as our drive to succeed."
In our culture, love permeates our movies, music, and literature, yet we're often left with little guidance on how to truly understand and embody its meaning in our daily lives.
bell hooks writes of this sentiment: “Awesomely, our nation, like no other in the world, is a culture driven by the quest to love…even as it offers so little opportunity for us to understand love’s meaning or to know how to realize love in word and deed.”
But we don’t have to subscribe to that narrative. Let’s unravel the layers of love, so we can understand its profound impact on our children's sense of safety, belongingness, and capacity for empathy.
Love as a Safety Net:
Imagine love as a safety net for our children, providing them with a secure foundation to explore the world. When they feel safe, they can take risks, face challenges, and grow into resilient individuals. Our active expressions of love create a haven where vulnerability is embraced, fostering emotional security that becomes a cornerstone of their mental well-being.
Love as a Beacon of Belongingness:
Love, when actively given, weaves a sense of belongingness into the fabric of our children's lives. It's more than a feeling; it's a deliberate act that communicates acceptance, understanding, and connection. This profound sense of belonging becomes the anchor that grounds them, enabling them to navigate life's twists and turns with confidence and grace. Love means including our children in the long history of who you are--as a family, as a community, and as a people.
Love as a Catalyst for Empathy:
Empathy, a skill we all value, flourishes in an environment steeped in active love. It goes beyond understanding – it's the clarity in knowing one's own internal life and recognizing the rich internal lives of others. That means the inside world that is made up of feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and the meanings created through experience. By modeling empathy, we teach our children to embrace diverse perspectives, fostering compassionate hearts that ripple kindness into the world.
Now, how do we give love in ways that maximize these functions? It starts with intentionality and an understanding of the active role love plays in our children's lives.
Active Love: A Practice, Not a Passivity:
Love is not passive; it's a conscious and intentional practice. It's the commitment to expressing care, affection, responsibility, respect, commitment, and trust – the essential elements that fuel the engine of meaningful relationships. By actively engaging in the practice of love, we create a positive emotional environment for our children, aligning with Barbara Fredrickson's Broaden and Build Theory of Positive Emotions.
The Learning Power of Love:
Drawing inspiration from Frederickson's theory, active love becomes a catalyst for our children's learning and mastery. As they feel safe, connected, and understood, their minds broaden, enhancing their capacity for curiosity, exploration, and, ultimately, mastery in various domains.
In conclusion, dear parents, let's be intentional in our love, actively cultivating an environment where our children not only survive but thrive. Love is the glue that binds relationships and forms the foundation for human survival, wellness, adaptation, and innovation. Embrace the practice of active love, and watch as it becomes the guiding force in your child's journey towards mental wellness and lifelong learning.
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Dr. Erika Bocknek, founder of Convo, is a former university professor, family therapist, and mom of 3. She has spent 20 years cultivating expertise in the science of parenting, child development, and couple and family therapy. A well-regarded expert and a superfan of the power of nurturing families for healthy development, Dr. Erika is passionate about bringing science to children and families’ everyday lives.